![]() The second man calls over the waitress and asks `what is the integral of x squared?'. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, `one thir dex cuebd.'. Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. ![]() She repeats `one thir - dex cue'? He repeats `one third x cubed'. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question.Īll she has to do is answer: `one third x cubed'. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. ![]() "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over. "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too! "Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! "Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! "What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! "Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. Plus of course there is his famous best religion joke ever. I said, 'The floor doesn't exist! At least not in the permanent sense that the concept "floor" exists.' He said 'Do you think the concept "your skull" exists?' I said 'yes' and then he surprised me by juxtaposing the two concepts." He took the contrary position that I should wax the kitchen floor. I insisted that Plato was the father of modern philosophy. Much of Emo Philips' standup is surprisingly intellectual.
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